my past..my scars

I don't know why.. I woke up this morning and i'm totally lost. I dreamt of something but I just couldn't retrieve it. Memang frust bila mimpi yang enak tp kita x tau jalan critenya. While ironing my clothes this morning i keep thinking of my dream. I failed. Then move to bathroom..mmg kebiasaan aku lama kat dlm bathroom..and there I got some idea of my dream. Aku mimpikan si Charlie rupanya. Don't know why tetiba je my ex appear in my dream. Why?? and because of that automatically aku teringat sume mamat2 yg pernah singgah kat hati aku..walaupun ada yg aku tak suka sgt..but they are all my ex-bf..yg pernah cherish my teenage moment, yang penah buat aku nangis, and yang paling PENTING made me feel soooo dissapointed.

To my beloved hubby, Kamarulzaman Mohd Jamil (KAY)..if you are about to read this entry..don't get me wrong..it's just a flash back session and they are only my scarssss...trust me..I LOVE U VERY MUCH..I'm proud to become your wife because you differ than the rest.

Mohd Faizal Qama @ Epie

Dengan dia ni terasa syok sbb segalanya indah..aku pun x tau bile kitorng declare, bile putus, mcm mana boleh putus yelah masa tu i'm in Form 4 and can category it as Puppy Love. He's married now.

Mohd Shahrull Nizam @ Rull

Mamat ni ok je..tp b'coz he's the youngest in the family so he acted so childishly. Can still remember when he wanted to pass a valentine card to me..he passes it through his daddy..oh my god..the very the anak ayah..

Mohd Ishak Ismail @ Shak

Dia ni ok tp b'coz he is 7 years older than me so he acted like a dictator. He is so ego and i must listen to him and we can't share opinion. So after about 6 years building up relationship I made decision to separate. I can imagine what my future will be if I keep being together with him. Mampus aku..asyik nak dgr cakap dia je..alasan..dia lebih experienced than me..but whatever it is..thank you very much..he actually support me financially when I was in ITM. He too has got married

Mohd Ismail Hisham Louis @ Charlie

Ini kawan sekampung sebenarnya. Mix blooded just like me..he loves to call me kakak. We coupled for only 9-11 months before he made decision to leave me..(waaaaaaaaa)..tp dia ni panas baran orgnya..according to his sisters. Kira x menyesal sgt lah ditinggalkan. Married too and now staying in Kelantan with his family

Harzisham Aidil @ Daddy (17.04.77 - 15.10.2002)

Many of my friend especially those close to me doesn't know my relationship with Arwah. It was a secret affair. Only abang Mie knew him. Such a nice person but he suffered from brain tumor and passed away peacefully at his kampung in Kedah on 15 Oct 2002. Very loving and I love to be with him. Tapi Allah sayangkan dia. For Mami, Baby masih ingat kasih sayang Mami.

Samson Surendran Amarasuriya @ Sam

This is my last bf before I get really serious in relationship. We knew each other quite long time since 1996 but we were attached in 1999. Masa tengah buat practical kat Panji Timor. I loved him so much but his mother doesn't want me to become her daughter in law just because I'm Muslim. So, apa nak tunggu lagi..takkan aku nak convert kot..Actually he already converted without me knowing it. I don't really know the actual reason he converted to Islam. Is it because of me or because he is really into it. Tp mungkin ajaran agama asal dia lebih kuat dan ibu dia bersikap terlalu mengongkong, over protecting, so dia again without asking me..kembali ke ajaran asalnya. I'm not really sure aku ni berdosa ke sbb tak dapat membimbing dia ke jalan yg betul..sbb aku ni pun bukannya betul sgt. Married.

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